The Unicorn of Danish IT
In Denmark’s IT industry, there exists a mythical creature so rare and so elusive that it makes Bigfoot sightings look like daily commutes. It’s called “Requirements”
Sure, your project manager swears they exist, but when you ask for details, they vanish faster than your budget at an Oracle licensing meeting.
Requirements: A Necessary Evil, Misused by Many
Let’s start with the obvious: requirements aren’t inherently bad. In fact, they’re vital. At their best, requirements serve as a guiding star, helping teams prioritize work, steer technical decisions, and deliver value. When clearly defined, they reduce ambiguity and ensure everyone—from developers to stakeholders—is aligned on what success looks like.
But here’s the rub: the way requirements are wielded in many organizations makes them less of a guiding star and more of a bureaucratic black hole. Instead of fostering clarity, they often sow confusion, drain budgets, and fuel endless alignment workshops.
Functional and non-functional requirements should work together like yin and yang:
Functional Requirements: What the system does.
- Example: “The system shall allow users to reset their password via email.”
Non-Functional Requirements: How the system behaves.
- Example: “The system shall respond to password reset requests within 2 seconds.”
Simple, right? Except in practice, they’re often lumped together in a buzzword soup, where neither developers nor stakeholders know what’s actually being asked.
Requirements: A “Vibe” Not a Definition
In most places, requirements are the foundation of a project—the blueprint that guides what you’re building. In Denmark, though, they’re more of a “vibe.”
Picture this:
- Developer: “What are the requirements for this feature?”
- Product Owner: [sips coffee] “You know, something user-friendly… Maybe mobile-first? But also desktop? And green. Definitely green.”
Ask for more specifics, and you’ll be told: “Let’s not overcomplicate this.”
Translation: “I haven’t the foggiest clue.”
The Four “Species” of Danish Requirements
After extensive field research (and years of trauma), we’ve categorized Danish requirements into four distinct types:
1. The Post-It Prophecy
Requirements scribbled on Post-Its during a Friday workshop. These gems often include vague masterpieces like:
- “Better UX”
- “More pizzazz”
- “Make it pop”
When you ask for clarification, you’ll get a baffled look: “You were at the workshop; you should know!”
2. The Agile Paradox - “We don’t need requirements because we’re Agile.”
The eternal contradiction: “We don’t need requirements because we’re Agile.”
Translation: “We have no idea what we’re building, but we’ll have a standup about it every day.”
3. The LEGO Syndrome
Delivered with childlike enthusiasm: “Just build something cool!”
Expected result: The software equivalent of a LEGO masterpiece.
Actual result: A random pile of blocks that sparks joy for absolutely no one.
4. The Copenhagen Consensus
Endless alignment meetings that lead to… more meetings. You’ll hear phrases like:
- Endless meetings to “finalize” requirements that only ever lead to one thing: more meetings.
- Famous phrases like: “We need to be aligned with…” and “We’ll circle back”
Fun fact: Requirements may never actually be agreed upon, but hey, everyone had a nice lunch.
Why Requirements Matter (When Done Right)
Requirements aren’t just a box to tick—they’re a tool for steering value generation. They help teams focus on solving real problems and enable stakeholders to measure success in clear, binary terms.
But here’s the catch: they’re not holy writ. The best requirements are grounded in reality and flexible enough to adapt when new knowledge emerges.
Rigid requirements that can’t be renegotiated aren’t a framework for success; they’re a recipe for failure.
“Requirements” in Real Life: A Case Study
Imagine this:
Your project starts with a “dedicated requirements team” handing you 400 requirements to implement and sends them your way with one simple mandate: “Make sure the platform lives up to these.”
Just reading through all 400 of them feels like a full-time job. One requirement contradicts another. Half of them are already outdated by the time they reach you. And the rest are so vague that you wonder if they came into existance by just randomly shuffling some corporate buzzwords together for fun.
The weeks that follow involve endless debates about which requirements are even feasible. Entire sprints are spent deciphering what “seamless integration across all touchpoints” actually means.
Eventually, you decide to just implement something and hope no one notices if it’s not quite right. And then, as if to test your patience further, the platform team and the application team enter the ultimate showdown of requirements ping-pong:
- Platform team: “What do you need?”
- Application team: “What are you offering?”
- Platform team: “We can’t tell you what we’re offering until you tell us what you need.”
- Application team: “We can’t tell you what we need until you tell us what you’re offering.”
This continues until someone casually suggests, “Should we escalate this to management?” Everyone groans in unison, and the meeting is adjourned indefinitely.
Survival Tips for Developers
To thrive in the Danish IT industry, you must embrace the chaos. Here are some pro tips:
1. Channel Your Inner Philosopher
- Accept that “requirements” are less about specifics and more about interpreting feelings.
- Your job isn’t always to implement, sometimes it is interpret.
2. Build First, Apologize Later
- Build something. Anything. Chances are, no one will remember what the original requirements were anyway.
3. Carry a Notebook
- Write down every vague statement as it happens. When stakeholders complain later, show them their own words. Bonus: This doubles as a diary of despair.
4. Embrace Danish Diplomacy
- Smile, nod, and say: “Ja, ja, det giver mening” (Yes, yes, that makes sense) while secretly crying inside.
Closing Thoughts
Requirements aren’t the enemy. They’re a tool—a tool that should guide, not confuse.
The next time someone hands you a vague set of “requirements,” remember: clarity is king. Push for specifics, but also stay flexible. When done right, requirements empower teams to deliver value. When done poorly, they drain budgets and morale faster than a badly scoped sprint.
And if you crack the code for deciphering Danish “requirements,” for the love of all things Agile, share your secrets! Until then, stay strong, and may your Post-Its never run out.